Have you ever heard the “Most Interesting Man in the World” beer commercials? I love those. Arguably, I highly doubt the most interesting man in the world is Mexican, but that is neither here nor there.
I’ve sat in my car listening and laughing to those commercials wondering, “what would a commercial for the most interesting woman in the world sound like?” This is how I think it would go:
She doesn't get punch lines unless you explain them.
She complains about her heels hurting, yet insists on always wearing them.
When she says, “no”, she really means, “yes”.
Blonde jokes were made for her.
She gets lost even when she has directions.
When people say, "That's what she said" they are referring to her.
She takes 10 times longer to get ready than the average man.
Her heels must always match her clutch.
When giving directions, she can’t remember street names, but can tell you the exact color and shape of the rock you’ll see before you make a left.
She has to use an industrial strength bra when she exercises.
She can somehow give away a secret even when no one is listening.
She can send a text faster than she can type on an actual computer keyboard.
She is always “the other woman”.
She is ……………….......... THE MOST TYPICAL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
“I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, it’s on your tab.”
Because let’s face it……… women just aren’t very interesting.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tips on Driving in Los Angeles
The following is a list of tips for driving in Los Angeles
Driving Tip #1: There are two lights on each side of the front and back of your vehicle to indicate to other drivers your intention to switch lanes. Not many people posses the ability to read minds, and certainly not people in LA. Luckily almost everyone in LA responds well to bright, blinking, flashing lights, so use them.
Driving Tip #2: If someone is driving like a complete asshole and you give him the “dude, there are ‘baby on board’ signs all over this freeway” look and he STILL insists on driving like a douche, call the police. I like to say I suspect a drunk drive and give the make, model and license plate number, but you can always go with “possible stolen vehicle”, “possible kidnapping/pedophile vehicle” or “possible car full of immigrants”.
Driving Tip #3 - Note to Pedestrians: I look both ways before crossing. Do you?
Driving tip #4: If people are honking all around you and you don't know why, don't worry about it. Eventually you'll see the “honk if you hate ......." signs as you continue driving.
Driving Tip #5: However if you do not see any "honk if you hate ......." signs. It probably means the light is green (and has been) and it's your turn to go. Please try to pay attention.
Driving Tip #6: The literal translation for those “Piolín” bumper stickers is “undocumented shitty driver”. If you are driving behind someone with said bumper sticker, get away from them immediately or you’ll regret it.
Driving Tip #7: When parking in a parking lot where there is no overnight parking, leaving a note on the dashboard that says “PLEASE DON’T TOW, I LIVE HERE” with your phone number on it, will not make a difference. Your car will still be towed. (True story).
Driving Tip #8 - Fun Fact: Eagle Rock is the road kill capital of California
Driving Tip #9: There is a drive-thru Starbucks at the following locations in the greater LA area:
2270 W Ramsey St, Banning, CA 92220
More exist. Google them yourself.
Driving Tip# 10: If the person to your left has their right blinker on to get into your lane, let them in. However, if that person is over the age of 70, ignore it. Their blinker has most likely been on for a few blocks now.
Driving Tip #11: What Would Jesus Do? He’d follow the above guidelines and be safe.
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